I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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