I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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