"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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