Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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