My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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