omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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