That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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