It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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