yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize