worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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