Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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