Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize