So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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