I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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