Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
