The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
