im six kinds of drunk right now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
