We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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