if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
