u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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