i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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