I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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