i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
