Can Purell be used as lube?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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