I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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