Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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