I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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