i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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