swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
