they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
