Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
