Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
