Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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