I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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