I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
