so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize