i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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