God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize