I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
