she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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