In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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