kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
