Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
