Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
