I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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