he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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