Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we made out on top of his cat.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
