I think I won the penis lottery.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
