I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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