ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
