nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
