I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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