Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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