hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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