for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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