So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
