my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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