It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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