Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
