Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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