Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
