Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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