She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
