just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
