she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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