Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
