Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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