note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
organizing the empties. That sober.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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