It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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