for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
