On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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