Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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