Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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