oh god the rape fog is back!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
