I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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