Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
