Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
