and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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