I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
