she looked like the before picture.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
