yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
