He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
