So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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