Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
