you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
