You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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