I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
