haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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