Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
