but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
