God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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