I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
